Brick By Brick
The foundation of good mental health begins at home.
Depression, anxiety, and loneliness are common mental health symptoms that afflict about a third of adolescents in Singapore aged between 10 and 18. This finding from a local survey inevitably triggers the question: Can children and youth truly experience anxiety and stress at their young age?
The answer is “yes”, they can. “Children can get stressed aboutthings that matter to them,” says
Ms Desiree Wee, a Senior Clinical Psychologist at the Institute of Mental Health (IMH). Younger children may worry about their studies and family relationships, while older ones may grapple with peer perceptions, as friendships play a crucial role in the formation of their self-identity. mental well-being can also be affected when children encounter or witness abuse and neglect at home.
Poor mental health can disrupt a child’s healthy development, potentially leading to lasting effects that persist into adulthood. Conversely, children with good mental health can build healthy relationships, maintain a positive self-image, and display resilience when confronted with challenges. These abilities are essential for navigating life’s trials. “Children who thrive are those who feel they have non-judgmental support at home, regardless of the difficulties they encounter,” says Ms Wee.
Yet, as the survey findings showed, only one in 10 parents was able to spot “clinical-level” mental health symptoms in their children. This suggests that adults need to do more to support their children’s mental well-being.
As the holiday season approaches, families with children will have more time and opportunities to foster discussions about mental health and establish healthy habits at home. Ms Wee offers some suggestions:
CREATE A NON-JUDGEMENTAL SPACE
In moments of distress, it is common for children to cry or have tantrums. Ms Wee emphasises that this behaviour is due to the fact that children are still learning how to manage “big emotions”, and may lack the right vocabulary or experience to express themselves adequately. “Such moments are valuable opportunities for teaching children to embrace emotions as a natural part of life, and develop their social-emotional skills,” she explains.
When your child expresses his/her feelings and thoughts, refrain from immediately passing judgement, or giving advice. Ms Wee suggests showing genuine interest in hearing them out: “While we don’t have to agree with their thoughts, we can empathise with their feelings.”
She also advises against labelling the child as “bad” or “naughty”. Additionally, if you say something you later regret, apologise when things have simmered down. This is a good way to show that even adults make mistakes, and that this is part-and-parcel of learning from experience. This would also teach the child what makes a good apology.
WALK YOUR TALK
Children learn stress-handling behaviours from those around them. Hence, parents and caregivers should be mindful of their conduct during challenging moments. “Maintain your composure when feeling stressed or frustrated in your child’s presence,” says Ms Wee. “When you begin to feel agitated, verbalise the steps you plan to take to regain your calm. For instance, explain to the child, “I notice my voice is getting louder. I’m feeling frustrated. Your emotions matter to me, so I’m going to take a moment to have a cold drink and return when I’m ready.”
While this may feel unnatural at first, Ms Wee explains that talking aloud in this manner helps the child to recognise his/her own distress, and to learn how to think and act in such situations. “If you have to step away to calm down, before leaving, let your child know you need a moment to compose yourself and will be back soon. Otherwise, your child might assume that you’ve abandoned them, causing more distress,” she says.
FOSTER OPEN COMMUNICATION
Establishing a strong parent-child bond is essential for open communication. Do this by showing interest in what the child likes and checking in when he/she encounters difficulties.
In times of stress, such as marital discord or when a loved one is unwell, Ms Wee suggests being transparent about the situation. “Use simple language your child can comprehend and avoid figurative expressions,” she says. “Assure them it’s not their fault. Where possible, stick to routines.”
To bolster the child’s sense of empowerment, involve him/her in activities within his/her control. For instance, if a family member is unwell, ask if he/she would like to make a card, sing a song, or engage in a video call with the loved one.
ENCOURAGE BALANCED SCREEN USAGE
Research has shown a link between excessive screen time use and mental health issues among youth. A recent study published in the Journal of Behavioural Addictions found that children who spent the most time on digital devices were more likely to exhibit higher levels of internalising problems, such as social anxiety and depression, two years later.
While platforms like online games and social media can offer emotional solace to some, Ms Wee warns that screen time can become a concern when it interferes with daily life, or triggers withdrawal behaviours. A few signs to watch for include the child not having offline friendships, not completing homework, or becoming aggressive when screen time is restricted.
Establish healthy screen time habits at home. Implement regular breaks, set screen time limits, and ensure the completion of homework and chores before indulging in screens. Simultaneously, encourage alternative recreational activities such as music, drawing, reading, or sports, suggests Ms Wee.
BREAK DOWN THE STIGMA
Parents might question whether discussing mental health with their children is necessary. However, open conversations can diminish the stigma surrounding such issues, fostering improved comprehension and empathy. It also helps children navigate their emotions and effectively cope with distress.
Consider sharing trustworthy resources with your children. However, exercise caution as not all online materials are suitable. “Some social media accounts and chat groups promote unhealthy coping mechanisms such as self-harm and food restrictions, or reinforce messages of despair and hopelessness,” cautions Ms Wee.
“Look for resources that educate and destigmatise mental health, promote recovery tips, and evoke feelings of hope,” she adds. The content should also be age-appropriate and align with your family values.
Recommended resources include the BUZZ magazine by Singapore Children’s Society’s Tinkle Friend and IMH’s social media platforms.
Explore betterinternet.sg by the Media Literacy Council to learn more about online safety for children.
DO NOT BE AFRAID TO SEEK HELP
It is normal for both children and adults to experience a spectrum of emotions. However, professional support may be needed if the child exhibits specific signs. This may include consistent crying and throwing of tantrums to the point where it affects the child’s life at home, school, and playtime.
Other red flags include sudden or sustained declines in academic performance, consistent aversion to attending school, chronic difficulty in forming positive relationships with other kids, and frequent complaints of physical discomfort or dizziness.
To foster a nurturing environment, consistency in actions is key. “Begin with small steps,” says Ms Wee. This might involve simply listening to your child without judgment during dinner, or setting aside time for shared activities, including a short walk or reading a book. LW
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